I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
