alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
