i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
