when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
