Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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