i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
