my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
