she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
