It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
