Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
