a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
