that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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