Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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