i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Soap is not a condiment
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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