I don't remember. Are we still dating?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
