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so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
it's like heaven, but drunker
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
