5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
