Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
