I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
