I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
