We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Randomize
