i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
