last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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