I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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