you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize