I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
