idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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