I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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