i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
