he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
