sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
