I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
