So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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