then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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