I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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