they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
