I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Randomize
