Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize