"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
