Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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