...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
