Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
