Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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