I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Randomize
