i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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