Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
