You made me cry and you don't even care
That's when you crack a 10am beer
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
