I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
