Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
