she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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