I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Randomize
