I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
