Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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