my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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