do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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