just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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