Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
