I don't remember. Are we still dating?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
not ubering you a puppy
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