dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
