i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
3pm strippers are depressing
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
