i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
