yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
