I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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