do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Found the puke drawer
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
