why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
