Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
