a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
