see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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