I got chris browned last night
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
